The study and treatment of insignificant psychological disorders.

Atlantic Deficit Hypoactivity Disorder

A Desociative Microdisorder


Atlantic Deficit Hypoactivity Disorder, usually referred to by the acronym ADHD, is a microdisorder that is geographically specific to some near-coastal, eastern regions of North and South America. ADHD is almost exclusively found among pre-adolesent teenagers and presents as lethargy, intellectual disinterest and social withdrawal. 

ADHA was first identified in a nine-year old boy living in Conway, South Carolina, a 25 minute drive from Myrtle Beach. During a family outing to the beach in 2018 the boy’s parents noted a direct relationship between the family’s distance to the beach, as measured by the father’s GPS devise, and his son’s level of activity: the closer to the ocean, the more active; the farther from the ocean, the more listless.

Since then, researchers have collected similar anecdotal information from families living in near-coastal, Atlantic regions stretching from Nova Scotia to Tierra del Fuego. Interestingly, ADHD is not found on the eastern shores of the Atlantic nor have similar microdisorders been identified near other oceans.

25 minute drive from Conway, South Carolina


The most obvious and the only effective management of ADHD to date is the relocation of the subject to a neighborhood closer to the Atlantic Ocean. Research is underway to simulate Atlantic coastal conditions so that relocation may not be necessary, but the results are not yet available. 

Copyright © 2010 – 2021, These contents may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without our express written consent. If you use any of our stuff without asking first, we’ll certainly be pissed off and we may just sue your ass for good measure. is satire, fiction, spoof. In no way does it represent actual psychological science or therapy. (If you need to be told that, maybe you suffer from an undiagnosed microdisorder yourself.) Proper names used on the website, unless those of public figures or entities, are fictional. Any resemblance to persons or entities is coincidental. is not associated with any research or treatment center, nor would any reputable facility wish to be associated with